5 years ago today

... a beautiful, 7lb & 14 oz baby boy was born into our family. I really am having a hard time believing that he is 5 years old today. He is such a gift from God. I will never forget those first few weeks of his life (now, I will admit that there are some piece missing in my memory because of the medication I was on from just having a c-section! ;)) because they were quite difficult but the Lord worked in this situation, ... as He always does.

(bear with me as I recall this day 'cause it may be a bit long).

When Ryan was born he had muscus in his lungs (which is often a common thing for babies of c-sections - also called "wet" lung) so the nurses & doctors told us. I had given birth to Ryan in the morning and by evening I felt well enough that Tim wheeled me down to the ICN to see him & hold my baby for the 1st time. I could hardly wait to have him in my room but little did I know that it would have to wait. 2 days later the doctor came into my room and told me that Ryan had Pneumothroax (a hole on the outside lining of your lung.) This terrified me! They gave him 100% oxygen in hopes that it would clear up but it didn't. So they had to stick a small needle inside him (I'm not sure how they did this ... remember I was still on meds!) to get rid of the air that was building. But again, this didn't help.

Later that day, the head specialist came to my room and told us that they wanted to transfer Ryan to the Children's hospital. The air in his lung hadn't cleared and they thought that they might have to stick a tube inside and they just wanted him to be in the best place if that was the case. My heart sank because I knew that I would be going home without my baby boy.

When we showed up at the Children's hospital that was when we realized how lucky we really were. There were some really sick children & babies in that hospital. One mother came up to me for a hug because she had just a baby and couldn't even touch her because it would send her heart rate sky-rocketing. I felt just awful for that lady. Here I was feeling sad because I couldn't have my baby in my hospital room and start nursing when there is another tiny baby fighting for life closed up in an incubator without any physical contact. It still breaks my heart.

Ryan was released from the hospital shortly after the hole healed, the bacterial infection that he got was gone and his temperature was normal. But he wasn't released to us. He still had to go back to the hospital where he was born and stay there a few days. I was there every day ... all day long. I would stay in the ICN and try nursing him and changing his diaper. I think the 1st time I changed his diaper he peed on me - the little stinker!!!

Ryan has been such a joy in our family. He has the most incredible twinkle in his eyes and it gets me every time I see him smile (even if he's been bad and not listening).

I never dreamed that I would have so much love for someone. I mean loving your first child is incredible and your overwhelmed with all the love that you have for that little baby but, ... to have a second one and realize that you love them just as much ... well, it's just an amazing feeling!!

I love you Ryan!!!

Happy 5th Birthday my son!!

Now off to make some cupcakes with my boys and put them in "CARS" cupcake paper holders! I'm already looking forward to later on today when he sees what we got him for his birthday. Hopefully my pics will turn out.